GUESS WHAT MUM I THINK I’M A LESBIAN!

CHAPTER 1 BAD GIRLS!

When I was 17 and in my last year of high school my three best friends were Asher, Helen and Louise. I didn’t really have a lot in common with any of them, when they squealed “Oh my God.” He’s so hot about boys from bands, or boys they admired from afar I faked a “mmm definitely, yeah totally hot.” while thinking about something totally different. It wasn’t that I wasn’t into boys it’s just that. it seemed to diminish some of the magic of a crush by talking about it.

High school is a cruel world and while everyone mocked Sally Stuart, who didn’t have any friends, played the guitar and went out with a forty year old guy called Kym, I secretly admired her. Not for her taste in men. I thought Kim was a lecherous old pervert, but for not giving a dam and giving all of these phonies the flick.

I still cared desperately what people thought. I spent my time hanging out with these girls who were nothing like me, just to have a social life. Not that there was much to choose from. I went to a small alternative high school where there were only thirty people in the grade. So as I wasn’t into playing basketball, and the main established group from the inner city thought they too cool for me I spent my time talking shit with these three girly girly girls.

Sometimes we stayed over at Asher’s house. Her mother Sandra was a tall striking red head. Sandra was a nurse at the private hospital down the road and had the efficient no nonsense approach of someone who has wiped people’s asses and then packed dead people’s things into a box after they didn’t make chemo.

Sandra had also just as efficiently dumped her husband for another woman.
While her daughter Asher was giggly and feminine, Sandra was womanly in a whole other way. She was strong feisty and I guess I was a little intimidated by her. It wasn’t so much the questions she asked but her radar like eyes which seemed to shred away all of your bullshit. When she cocked an eyebrow at you it’s almost is if you could hear her thinking
“Nonsense, of course it didn’t happen like that”..

In any case Sandra had set the scene for the type of activities that happened under her roof, one night we had all gathered to watch “Henry and June” A movie about Anais Nin’s lesbian affair with Henry Miller’s wife June.
I was turned on by the highly erotic lesbian scenes on and hoped nobody else could notice.

When the film finished I stayed on the fold out bunk bed with Louise, while Asher slept in her bedroom with Helen.

Not long after we turned the lights went out I felt Louise’s foot rubbing mine. At first I thought it was an accident and she was doing it in her sleep, but as her movements intensified and her breathing deepened I realized that this was no accident. I rubbed her foot back and within minutes we were kissing passionately.

“Touch me here.” She said panting and squishing my hand into her ample bosom. “mmm harder.” she moaned taking my hand and grinding it between her legs.

Her sexual confidence took me by surprise, but I was relieved that she had the same thing in mind as me. We used to fool around with each other sometimes, in between smoking cones, saying “oh my god.” and bitching about our teachers misfortunes.

We weren’t the only one’s who were experimenting. Apparently Helen had licked Asher’s pussy one night as well. Anna and I disapproved of this as Helen had very bad Smoker’s breath, not a very appetizing thought.


CHAPTER 2 THE ORGY

I left school and gradually lost contact with the three girls, but my yearning to make love with women was still there. When I was at fashion school I met a girl called Amy who was having a lesbian affair with a sexy South America girl named George. Their relationship looked appealing especially as I had just had a string of dud relationships with men. I thought having a having a girlfriend could be fun, or at the very least some very sexy lesbian sex could be on the agenda.

I was in this frame of mind when I was out one night with Amy and George at a gay and Lesbian bar in Newtown.
As I watched other butch and hunky lesbians in tank tops and short crew cuts pash each other like men I became turned off and was on my way out the door when a beautiful blonde woman approached me.

“Where are you going gorgeous girl.” She said winking. She looked like a young Sahra O’hare.
“Umm nowhere if you’re sticking around” I said flirting, making it up as I went along.

“I want you to meet my friend Jackie I think you’ll like her.” She said while stroking my bare shoulder.

Jackie was a petite Asian with a shaved head in the style of most of the other Dykes in the club. She wasn’t my cup of tea, but I guessed that they were a couple and that I wouldn’t get to sleep with Cecile without Jackie, or at least not with out Jackie’s permission.

We drank a couple of bottles of champagne together, and with every drink became more daring and flirtatious

“Taste this Jack.” said Cecile seductively while offering up my pierced nipple to her friend.

I found Cecile later on in the bathroom trying to recruit another pretty girl for our ‘orgy’
“Darling you should come home with us, we’re going to make love.
It will be beautiful, just beautiful women making love to each other all night.”

The pretty girl laughed at Cecile’s directness. It occurred to me that if Cecile were a guy and said the same thing she would probably get a slap in the face.
But Cecile wasn’t a guy she was a beautiful, sexy woman with enough charm to pull it off.

The orgy started in the taxi. The driver adjusted his mirror 3 times to get a better look, but nobody cared. We were drunk and carefree.

We tumbled out of the taxi and climbed the steps leading up to Celine’s place giggling and falling over each other. She opened the door to her sumptuous ethnic apartment and we tumbled inside. We took turns showering then all climbed into bed together smelling like roses.

I let Jackie go down on me, but couldn’t really get into it. I was relieved when she left after a couple of hours to go to work, leaving behind her sumptuous girlfriend.
After making love all day Cecile pulled out a photo of a chiseled looking young man wearing a shark’s tooth necklace over his bare bronzed chest
“Don’t you think he’s gorgeous?”

“He’s okay, who is he” I said thinking that his looks didn’t really appeal to me.
“It’s my beautiful boyfriend Patrick, and I can’t wait for you to meet him, I know he’s going to adore you.”
“What about Jackie I thought she was girlfriend.”
“Isn’t she adorable I met her couple of weeks ago at the place where we were last night.”

I had never met another woman who was so free with her sexuality, openly into orgies and having open sexual relationships without guilt. I was intrigued and realized that being with Celine would mean sharing her. I had never shared anybody before and at 21 was open to it not having built the type of walls that you construct as you get older.

“This is an amazing apartment Cecile, how long have you had it for.”
Actually it belongs to a Buddhist friend of mine; I’m just looking after it for a while.”
She said smiling radiantly.

“You know today was so beautiful, let’s do this again sometime soon, I’ll call you next week.”
“Okay” I swooned dancing butterfly steps out of her apartment and all the way down to the bus.

The next week, just as she promised she called.
“How are you little princess.” She purred into the phone.
“Oh I’m great,” suddenly feeling it.
“Listen would you like to come to my house for dinner tonight; I’m going to cook an amazing vegetarian curry for us.”
“I’d love to.” I said feeling giddy and excited at the same time.
I got dressed with the same care as if I was going on a date with a man.

I arrived at her place with a bunch of roses
“They’re divine” she said pulling me into her arms and kissing me deeply on the mouth.

Over dinner I learned that Cecile was a physiotherapist. I found it hard to imagine her going off to work with a neat pony tail and white lab coat. That she even functioned in the every day world was a surprise to me.

She also told me that she was very into Buddhism in fact her whole family had converted to it together. She had made seven pilgrimages to India already.

After dinner we were in her bedroom. “I want to see you strip for me.” She said pouring me my 5th glass of champagne. It felt sexy to have someone so infatuated with my body so I peeled off my clothing piece by piece and really gave her a show.

“When I was on my last pilgrimage to India I mediated every day for 3 months, and every day visualized making love to women.”
“And it worked.” I laughed, thinking it seemed a little contrary to be mediating on going down on women while hanging out with a bunch of robed monks in a Buddhist sanctuary.


CHAPTER 3 HELLO LADIES!

Lying in each other’s arm’s flushed and exhausted after making love for hours Cecile answered her phone.

“Oh how are you my precious baby?” She cooed
“Ummm yes”….she giggled
“Oh yes very beautiful, you would love her.”

“Of course why don’t you come over and meet her”
“Tonight, why not?”
“It’s Patrick he’s dying to meet you. I told him he could come over. That’s okay with you princess, isn’t it?” She said pushing back a stray strand of my hair.

I didn’t really want to meet him, as she was trying to set up a threesome, and I wasn’t totally convinced that it would be a good idea.
“Sure,” I said faking a smile and feeling uncomfortable.

“You know Patrick and I aren’t really together any more. We were together for a long time, but now we’re gone down very different paths”
“What does Patrick do?” I said feigning interest
“He’s studying to be a Doctor.” She giggled, “And I think he’s becoming much too serious these days, poor thing”

“He’s just not really in the same place as me right now”
“Where’s that” I asked curious.
“Well Buddhism is a big part of my life, and he just doesn’t get it, thinks it’s a bit silly.”
“What does Patrick think of you being with girls?”
“Oh,” she laughed, “He doesn’t mind, that’s the agreement we have I can sleep with women, but not with men, and that’s fine with me, I would never betray him with another man”

The door swung open and in came Patrick wearing and a suit a smarmy smile
“Hello Beautiful ladies I’ve brought us some champagne.”
Patrick looked like the cat that had swallowed the cream.

They started making love made in front of me, Cecile tried to get me involved, but I refused to touch Patrick I wasn’t into at all. She seemed disappointed, and I felt like a porn in their sexual fantasy, more object than person.

She wanked off his large purple cock while telling me that he really liked it liked this. I knew I never wanted to be with him and hoped every time I saw Celine she wouldn’t try to share me with him.

Fortunately Patrick went traveling around Australia for a while, so it was just me and Cecile for a month or two. We went out catching people’s eye every where. We were not the usual variety of butch lesbians. Together we were more like a duo from Charlie’s Angels, glamorous, sexy and flirtatious.

Cecile would show me off anytime and everywhere we went “look at my gorgeous girlfriend” she would say while kissing my neck provocatively. I was more conscious of it, but she didn’t care and made a big sexy scene in any venue, even a half deserted pub, where every man who was sitting down to a ‘quite one’ suddenly had somewhere to focus their attention on.


CHAPTER 4 GUESS WHAT MUM I THINK I”M A LESBIAN

My 22nd birthday swung around and a friend offered to have the party at her place in Bondi. My parents came for the beginning of the party. Cecile didn’t make any effort to stop from being flirtatious with me in front of my Mum.

“I think that girls a bit of a lesbian.” My mum said disapprovingly.
“So what if she is mum, what’s wrong with that” I replied annoyed
Nothing my mum said sounding backed into a corner.
“Well if you think there’s nothing wrong with it, then I might as well tell you that she’s my girlfriend.
Mum went pale and only exchanged basic pleasantries with me for the rest of the night.
I felt awkward but better; I didn’t want to have to hide what I was doing.

The next day we all sat down to lunch. Mum sounded defensive and angry.
“Fine go ahead and ruin your life. No boy will ever want to go out with you after he knows this about you.”
“Mum, you don’t know anything about boys in this generation, they think it’s sexy”
“Rubbish” she said storming out of the room.
“I don’t want you to miss out on the opportunity to have children.” She cried out from the other room her voice full of emotion.
“I don’t want kids anyway, they make me sick.”

“Is she a nice girl” said my dad who had been silent up until this point.
“Yes really nice”
“Well I guess that’s what counts, as long as you’re happy” he said carefully trying to grapple with the new and shocking news that his daughter was a certified lesbian.
“Thanks for being so understanding” I said giving him a hug and feeling embarrassed that I had made him feel awkward..


CHAPTER 5 THREE”S A CROWD

“I feel like I want to finally break up with Patrick, we’re just not really suited anymore.”
‘It’s you I really want to be with” Cecile told me one boozy night.
“Then you need to tell him, if that’s what you want.”
“Oh I think he knows that we’re both too different for it to work now”
I began to feel better; maybe Patrick would be off the scene from now on.

But it wasn’t to be the case. The next week Patrick came back from holidays and Cecile moved in with him as her free ride in the ethnic palace had finished.

It was uncomfortable visiting her now with Patrick around.
He wasn’t nearly so chuffed to see me hanging around in his bed now
that he knew that I wasn’t just a fling. He felt threatened by me, and I of him.

While we waited for her to choose between us she kept us both strung along with lots of promises between kisses.

“Of course you’re my girlfriend honey.” She would say to me
“Of course It’s not serious with Mina, we’re just having fun’, she would tell him.
But Patrick and I both knew what the deal was either share or leave and we weren’t ready to leave so we stayed in this bizarre ménage a tois. One thing was sure, three was definitely a crowd.

Patrick and I openly squabbled with each other, competing for her attention.
“That’s nice Patrick, borrowing money from Cecile and not paying it back.
“Why don’t you get a job” I told him one afternoon

“If only we all could all work in a shoe shop like you, but unfortunately I’m studying medicine so I can graduate and actually have a career”. He said with a smug smile knowing he had won the argument.

Even though Patrick and I openly disliked each other, Cecile would treat us both like naughty children.

“Oh come on be nice to each other.” She would say chiding us playfully.
It’s such a shame that you two don’t want to have a threesome, it would be so much fun.”
Patrick and I would glare at each other and go back to what we were doing.


CHAPTER4 BUDDHISM SEX AND CHAMPAGNE

I gave Cecile a drawing I made once and she thanked me profusely telling me how she would treasure it. The next week I brought over a frame for her to put into to.
“Cecile where’s the drawing I gave you last week.”
“I gave it to rimpershae (Buddhist spiritual leader)

“Why! That was for you, not Rimpershae” I said kind of hurt
“Mina don’t be upset, it was an offering. Buddhism teaches that having attachment is unhealthy for us. We have to be able to let them go. It’s attachment that brings us so much suffering.
I wished that she could have been a little more attached to my drawing.
Attached to me, she made holding something dear to you sound like a sin.

“Mina Rimpershae’s having a little gathering at his place next Monday I think you would really enjoy it”
“No thanks” I think I’m washing my hair. I said a little sarcastically.
I didn’t want anything to do with this rimpershae character, who now owned my drawing and seemed to have such a maddenely guru like influence over Cecile.

I found the whole Sydney Buddhist scene a little flaky and reeking of the latest fashion. I had met a few of Cecile’s Buddhist friends and found them all a little contrary. These people, who were supposedly Buddhists, lived in ethnic palaces, drank champagne, and took ecstasy at sophisticated parties, whilst talking about how centered and spiritually advanced they were. It just didn’t ring true with me and I guess I began to take a similar stance as Patrick.


CHAPTER 5 SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED BUT NOT WHAT SHE NEEDED

Patrick and I were never going to be best friends, but occasionally we managed to get on with each other.

It was a beautiful Sunday spring afternoon and the three of us had taken a picnic hamper down to the harbour. After eating a little cheese and drinking lots of champagne we decided to take a dip.

Cecile and I frolicked in the sparkling water while Patrick took photos of us.
“Move closer together, that’s it, now kiss.” Patrick said snapping away.
The combination of kissing Cecile with the chance of being discovered was a turn on.

“Mmm your really wet, aren’t you baby.” She said running her tongue along the outer edges of my swimming costume. Her tongue was warm and arousing. I let her go down on me in a cave on the harbour foreshore while Patrick looked on with a massive erection.

Night had fallen by the time we arrived back at Patrick’s house.
“I think I’ll take a nap.” I said undressing and lying down in their king size bed. I felt a hand run over my bare leg. This wasn’t Cecile’s delicate birdlike hand this was the firm hand of man, Patrick’s in fact. It felt good, and I wondered why I had resisted him all this time. He was sexy in his own way, and after all wasn’t this what Cecile had always wanted.

We were in the middle of making love when Cecile came in.
“Oh” she laughed nervously. “I wondered where you both had got to.”
“I’ve made a little bit of dinner; I think we should eat it before it gets cold”
Cecile was silent all through dinner, and just played with her vegetables.
“Look I’m really tired, I think I need an early night” she said not even looking up at me.

I couldn’t believe it after all of her speeches about how much Patrick and I would enjoy being together she was put out when it actually happened. Jealous in fact, over him or me I couldn’t be sure..

Things were never really quite the same after that night. Cecile was neither angry nor upset just distant. I didn’t have any idea that she was preparing to go on her eighth spiritual pilgrimage to India until she told me over the phone one night.

“Mina you should be happy for me, I need to get out of Sydney and change my lifestyle, its just not healthy for me here”
I wondered weather she was referring to our little ménage a tois.
“I need to mediate again”
“Can’t you do it here” I said thinking of reasons to make her stay. .
While I wept, she keep telling me what she needed, it was then and I guess always had been about her.

A couple of months later I received a postcard of a grinning monk. She told me that she was feeling really centered and meditating every day in a little mountain village in the north of India, and if I ever wanted to go there she would give me the address.

I went to India about 2 years later to see what all the fuss was about.
I got ripped off a couple of dozen times, harassed non stop by men, and then got so ill with dysentery that I flew home after only 3 weeks. When I had been home for just over a week and looking like a skeleton from the dramatic weight loss I ran into Patrick at an art exhibition.

His hair was shorter, and he was wearing a double breasted suit, looking very much like the young doctor he had become. He told me that Cecile had returned to Sydney and was pregnant. I looked up her number and gave her call. She sounded happy to hear from me and we arranged to meet up at a local bar.

I found her sitting on a couch looking even more ethicized than before. She was heavily pregnant and looked radiant. Over the past 2 years we had both become engaged. It was surreal to sit there and compare engagement rings with the woman I who I became a lesbian with as I left the bar alone I thought of my Mum breathing an audible sigh of relief for all of the reformed lesbians in the world. But as I looked at the sun glinting on my new engagement ring I knew that my lesbian days were far from over.